November 12th

Last night I had a dream that I was a mermaid. I was swimming around in the middle of nowhere and I came across a sunken ship, when I swam inside I saw a shark. I swam for my dear life and ended up in a gas station in Bangkok, Thailand. I somehow had legs suddenly and told the cashier at the gas station that there was a shark chasing after me, he laughed at me, and then suddenly turned into a dragon. I screamed, and started running down the street. It was surprisingly foggy in Thailand. Then I woke up. Wherence, I find my stature diluted upon. To understand is to forget all of ones naturals state, into the unknown. Does fate envelop love? Does love overtake all of its predecessors? In alacrity, my mind seethes upon my thoughts unto its honing instincts. If it were, the infatuation claims a faulty crutch, leer me, a fortuitous substitute. My sentiments relapse within these yearnings, as I shout to the heavens my elusive nature. Never again, but only this. Thus a prison, thus a market, a sell of endowment, a sell of predetermined prospects, these my parents take refuge abut. We fade amongst the lilies, at bay, neath the kingdom stay. Trust is a fortified argument, nothing to be sham, and a loose lengthened array to favor ancestral dominance. Folly echoes the breaths of my past. For it to never be again, a proof of longevity, to natures charm, and societies wit. Only but a change, a swivel I must take.

November 11th

I didn't have a dream last night either. I do still love Jaden... To but just have a glimpse of hope, I shall be sustained in loneliness. If only but a thought. The essence of my mind, a trifling encounter, a mercy beckoning cry. At the weight of my judgment, a far-sighted nigh. And with it the loose lengthening emotions that are me. I control you, but I cannot. If I could do whatever I did I would be lost. Lost and forgotten in myself, a wintry falsification of truth. He's a thinker, dressed in fastidious black. A forever aloof embellishment, and a long lighted texan. This place is dry, this place is wet, but it shall whichever of displeasure. I am discontented, but shimmering in my countenance. As it were, though as you could tell, a dull lingering furtherance. Last Christmas was a fun discontinuation of my soul. I shan't bring myself upon susceptibility again. I thank thee that inhibits me. Upon you I give my graces to, for you give rise to my innate self. I gently kiss the weathered disposition that has become of me, become of us. Have I finally reason to move from this cold, assuming path? Yet a bitter wind of chills from the north, and all I have is knowledge of the abyss.

November 10th

Today I woke up dreamless. I do remember having an episode of sleep paralysis however. It was mild, if anything. It only happened a few times during the night, where I felt I couldn't move, but it didn't scare me, I simply went to sleep when I could. I wonder at this extremity. I only work with subtle affirmations, and it brings me to my demise. Under the sound of simpering whispers, under the torches lighted dimly, the wood of the roots, and the essence of moisture in the desert air. Of which I reciprocate, of which denial beseeches its receivers. I could never feel a kiss so bold, I would never see love if it was written so plainly, I wont ever realize the depths of emotions so bluntly expressed. Only at ambiguity can my stature be replaced, and therein it will remain. Unto me a founded place, it only disintegrates with its known existence. I rot herein and find myself panting for a sacred haven. I gloat upon and temper trued. And now I understand, no further amplifications will be upon state. This hour, if it but had of me, I would say hello. The chill in the wind frees me from my expectations, but I must face them. I look to the face of my life and I recognize my likelihood of survival: at nigh of an oblivion. "The winner takes it all"

November 9th

Yet again, I had another dream about Jaden. I had a dream that I was falling, into a black hole, and there was a piece of glass. As I looked into the glass I saw Jaden, in all of his magnificence. He was bent over, playing the guitar, singing an old song, seeming at peace with the world and all that was in it. I find this abstract recourse of feeling in Jaden Brooks, a long lost love that I keep bringing myself back to; no matter the course of my feelings or my travels in this dry, desolate existence I seek refuge in... He escapes me, his thoughts, his words, his presence, it all endows me with a sense of chimera. My lover, a disappearance... Jaden has tormented my soul, inside and out. I see the future, a dark, grey abyss, as the tear drops swell from these cloudy skies. I ache at the thought of having to find myself in loneliness, or someone elses arms. One day I just want to know what it would feel like four my soul to harmonize in the radiation of Jaden’s. I know that will never happen though, and I should stop wishing it to... 

November 8th

Last night I had another dream about Jaden. We were floating in the sky, and mist surrounded us. The unjust radiation in your eyes solidifies its dominance. And with a swift word you take my heart into itself. Again I feel this nonsense, and again I feel this envy. I feel I have nothing left to offer the sense in this world. And at every passing day I find myself wishing I could hold onto the hope that so daftly implodes upon its own upbringing...To be gone is to only be aloft in anothers controllable perception. A wasted thought we spend on misery turns against us, turns for us. But will it ever stop. Time exists just to have an untimely manner. In its own state of never-ending it can never front death. The only thing that can win against time is death. But you’re an angel aren’t you... Sent to torment me in my deprivation... I close my eyes, I close the world. But you always seem to know your way in... I perceive you through the depths of my unabated love, for you are that of a wind I could never follow... The oath you never swore, the silence abiding aloft in sweet tasteless misery.. Our thoughts never touch, existing in a realm sedated. I always get sick to my stomach thinking, hoping, wanting, someone else. When all it has ever been was you. It has never not been you. Today of all days has been one to realize this. I don’t know if I will ever get my point across. But in the meantime I keep my eyes to the darkest nights, I always have and will forever stand amidst the wind. All eternity a bliss but here I hold one thing in.

November 7th

Last night I had a dream about a cow. This cow was dying, and its only way of living was if I sacrificed my life for it. I ended up agreeing to sacrifice myself and the cow ended up dying anyways. I feel like this dream represents my view towards life. My view on the world and what the world defines success is quite simple. It would seem as though society keeps a coveting watch on it’s successors. As a result I am a self-agitation of a blur. I am hidden behind deep swallows of self-aggrandizing glory, only to be beseeched by a character of annoyance, constant in every situation. For people that have the ability to tread water in the demanding oceans of time and situational vigor with substantial input, bottomless thirst is on the horizon. That horizon will never be the product of anything I am or my emotions take me. My emotions have become a landscape of pity, encasing everything slightly absurd to barely existent in context with societies regulations of something existent. Thanks to society my views towards people are callously skewed.

November 6th

Last night I had a dream that I was looking for my most recent crush, but not matter where I looked I could not find him. I looked in a tree house, in the lake, in a ski resort, and in a cotton field. It may be your abilities, and not what your abilities have placed upon you. I cannot look to the face that he is. How can you look upon my existence with a nonchalant high? It seemed as though we could make nothing of it, but in realism a better bough. An extension of you, that is the longing I sore of. Maybe for the best, I do contend, but not as if I wanted it to be. How you can say so much and mean nothing of it. How the world is implied, in a rosemary of sorts, and a parsing ache. Your obsessions delve themselves to your side, to your feathering whims. And at a caustic trifle, a sound is made. The sound of your life, in a twenty second abated interval. I hear it trudging along, dreading itself, and at a far sighted plea I leer upon a grin. A fateful sigh, and I relic upon you a rye expression of dull adherence. I acknowledge your presence and with a muddle you disgrace mine. Am I not the person that my words condone?

November 5th

Last night I had a dream that I woke up at two in the afternoon, and I was late for work. I was so flustered because I am never late for work, I never call in sick, and I feel like the only think I am good for is being dependable. I need to stop fettering with the stars. They plague me so, they leave me deftly. I find a mist to wander in, I find a wolf to dance with. I died that night and you never looked for me. But again with this soundless whimpering, this finicky plow of determined existence. And I cave at the edge of my thoughts, the edge of my mind. I feel the presence of evil as it rays its lovely etching across my understanding. Have I escaped? Or am I stuck in the burrows of haphazard emotions? Had it been absolved, I would be free. Had it been a relic in times fragrance, a smear in the dimension's opening. Had I never known the other side for what it really was, I would still be looping about in my own world. But no, exposition at it's greatest, in the thicket of nonsense, in the layers of treason and remorse, and tall tail signs of pigmented truth. I foretell the eyes that see me, in a bliss of wandering soughs that make of me my soul. Ah, but it would never had it ever.

November 4th

Last night I had a dream that I woke up in the middle of a blizzard, and all around me I could see nothing but white. I climb upon this ladder of uncertainty. I am lost in this fog. I need to reach out, but I don't know where I will be taken. I find myself lurking among stupidity in the face of curiosity. That's all it is... But I'm too scared to fight it. I can't fight it. I won't. I'm shaken off my feet, caught in this whirlwind, once again, oh but once again, a many more times in probability. I'm shredded to the very finest of texture, and yet I complain. This lazy confinement i have figured is taking it's toll. I listen to 60's music, and it calms me. I used to hate 60's music. I just don't understand. I fight you in the face of idealism, but what I need is realism, that is you, but do I really. No one knows, and no one will ever know. I figure things to my advantage and I figure my advantage to society... A terrible thing, a vicious cycle, and yet I partake in such. I don't really know you, I only know what has become of you, but what are you, who are you, how can I tell, and I am lying to myself. Time can only tell the face of these manners, only time can bring upon understanding. But time used is time wasted... Or is it?

November 3rd

Last night I had a dream that I got married to one of my co-workers. It was really weird because he is like 40 years old. I felt like I was forced into the marriage by my parents, and I felt like it could be an escape from the world. Often I feel like my parents are pressuring me to do things, even if they are not. It seems as though the more I try to avoid awkward situations, the more I become involved in them. So many times I try to date guys shortly after meeting them to avoid awkward pretenses involved with me and my guy friends or guy acquaintances. But there are so many problems with dating guys without really knowing them. I never know what I'm going to get, and that's really annoying. But I'm glad I finally figured it out. Now I just need to find some magical potion to go back in time so that I can get to know guys before committing anything to them. The only thing I can't argue with is that when I break up with a guy after thinking I was in love with them after not really knowing them is really not that hard, just annoying to be looked upon with animosity.

November 2nd

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming on a beach, and suddenly, out of nowhere, a surfer comes over to me and tries to drown me. When I thought I was close to death I see something in the depths of the ocean coming up to me. It was a mermaid, she took my hand and led me down with her. When I realized that I had been turned into a mermaid too I was so excited. There was drama in the mermaid nation and apparently I had stolen someones powers when I had become a mermaid. The powers I stole were from an evil mermaid, and when I was alone she came to me and started threatening my life. I told her I would give her my powers, and when I did, I had been turned back human, and, not knowing where I was, thought I was going to drown. Then I woke up from my dream. This dream was really vivid. I was actually kind of disappointed when I woke up and realized that it wasn't real, the same time I was relieved though, because otherwise I would have died. I think a major theme in this dream is deception. Sometimes I can be too gullible when I feel bad for other people, like if there is anything I can do to help, I'll do it. This is not always safe though and people often take advantage of me for it. I often refer to myself as a doormat, just to be walked all over.

November 1st

I don't remember anything of my dream at all last night. I have been declared dead and now rest in the sunders of disassociation. I love you, and I fabricate the day we will meet. I know not of this yet, but that I hope we will is enough. I can think of you upon a thought, a day dream, a swift envisioning of your presence. Just a touch, oh but if a touch, only one. My eyes lose their strength, they are weakened by the sight of you. You are a captivation, bringing resistance at its end. I wish upon this, that I should be able to look into your soul. Forever at peace you bring me, just a sound, a sound in the silence, your voice can melt me. It would be enough to just be able to look at your face, to see your thoughts. I have fallen to the sides of society, I reside in the cracks beneath the city walls. I see to the fallen souls, paying respect to those of a different kind. The scum of the earth, I see myself. I bring innocent spirits down, I entrap them in a melody of idealism. But forever I shall repent. For this and for you. May you find yourself in the lockets of time. May you wish upon the echoed existence of nature. May you let go of all that has ever had its pending albatross upon your heart. May you think in the daylight and melt your soul with the evening's grace.